Misfit Sounds So Bad

To some the term “misfit” sounds so bad; a negative. I don’t really mind that I consider myself a misfit, and I actually think it’s appropriate. At some point I’ll turn it into a joyful celebration of how although misfit, I’m perfectly fit in Christ. Until then, however, I’m grappling with the sense of it all, with the purpose of it all.

I think all the time. Drives me bonkers sometimes. Not subscribing to what I’d consider diagnosable labeling, I don’t buy into the theory of naming this thinking all the time as something that is defective. I actually enjoy it if I have someone to dialogue with. But yet, I find that rather difficult. In 5 seconds if I know someone is in Christ, I can go real deep because I’m not really a fluffy talker. Being in the realm of feeling others, I easily sense uncomfortableness and therefore can fairly effortlessly make small talk.  And I love people, so I want them to be at ease. Awkwardness is high on my radar and I simply want to diffuse it when I can. However, those situations are short-lived; meeting at the grocery, passing on the sidewalk, networking, etc…

What I long for is the dialogue of big questions–pondering, seeking, asking, reviewing, challenging and yet coming away not really having answers, but to have considered how deep my pains, sins, misjudgments, anxieties and processes runs. I’m not sure a lot of people want to face that. I don’t know, but seemingly the conversation isn’t on-going. Often times its a one-and-done. Perhaps people leave me and think “oh my! She’s a bit off.” Who knows?

 

 

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